Every artist is no one thing. Finding my way as a writer, working towards balance between what I create and the life that I want to live is always an interesting battle. My need for fresh air and loosing myself in family and nature is such a huge part of who I am, but there is always that throbbing tug to sit down with paper and pen.
How often I want to just lock myself away and finish a story from beginning to end. It is the knowledge that if I did so I would miss out on so many things that keeps me from even considering such a dangerous attempt. I am no different from anyone else. We are all many things. Everyone has some creative side no matter how large or small. Just as each person harbors more instinctive, reasonable thoughts.
I love that brilliant, ever defining contrast in one, single, mind. Each add up to so many conflicting recipes. Some are more palatable than others but it is often a matter of taste.
I myself am often a bit too much for some people. Even knowing this it still hits me hard sometimes. To me we are all just people, and people are people right?
Recently I went ahead and did something I’ve been dying to do for years. I had one side of my head shaved. I know, a bit out there but I love the beauty of contrast and it worked perfectly for my Halloween costume this year. When I look at myself I love seeing the whole me. The analytic math loving nerd, and the crazy free spirit artist. You can guess which is actually which.
In the picture here I take this a step further and press the shaved part of my head against a cold window and gaze out into the world beyond. I love being inside writing, but there is nothing like hiking with my family or just running around the backyard. I love the feeling of jogging in the rain with just a little fuzz on my head. You really feel the elements without a bunch of weight dragging you down, but then I also enjoy being able to hide behind my hair and just blend in sometimes.
This is a giant metaphor for my life.
I love being a mom, and staying at home to run things is like the best thing that I have ever done. Then again I have to have something for me.
I write for me. Writing is the ultimate way to blend all of the different mes. I get to be artistic (like when I write music, paint, sing and dance) but I am also able to have structure and build something that should make sense.
Yes, I have hit a point where I want others to enjoy my work and feel at my best when one of my pieces gets published but that is not why I write. I could go on and contradict myself all day. What I want to impress here is that we all run around flipping switches between the different aspects of ourselves and that is what makes us who we are.